Introduction

What we think matters. We all have underlying beliefs that influence the way we view ourselves and the world around us. They can be conscious but are often unconscious. They are connected to our value system in a deep and meaningful way. They can be motivating and rewarding or limiting and self-defeating.

Beliefs, good or limiting, come from our experiences, genetic tendencies, and choices we make. We may quickly and directly choose a belief, such as from a religion or philosophy, IE: “Fail as fast as you can*” or “Enjoy the journey”. Or they may form over time imperceptivity, little by little.

But the ones that get in the way are the self-defeating versions. A self-defeating belief is usually a subconscious perpetuating belief that drives negative thinking when we are triggered in some way.

Think of a Self-Defeating Belief* (here after labeled SDB) as the root of a tree, with this unconscious value driving the negative thoughts, or the branches. Healthy beliefs prompt thoughts that are true and reasonable, while SDB’s produce thoughts that are distorted and negative. For example: If I have the self-defeating belief perfectionism, IE: “I must never make a mistake.” Then if I fail my drivers test (a triggering event) I’ll may have negative thoughts such as, “I’m an idiot.” “I shouldn’t have failed.” “I’ll never be good enough.” “The examiner was unfair.” Each of these thoughts then trigger me to feel inadequate, ashamed, anxious, and annoyed.

Difference between a SDB and a NT.

• NT occurs in the moment.
• SDB is always in the background and is activated during emotional distress.

David states: All SDB’s have a fundamental premise: “I don’t have what I need to be happy” either internally (intelligence, strength, etc.) or externally (love, success, etc.).  Think of this as an equation.

• SDB + upsetting event => Negative Thoughts (NT) => depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts*

Ok so how do you know what are your SDB’s? Well, let’s just say we’ve never met a human who doesn’t have at least a few of them! From tragedy and trauma, upbring, or human nature itself, no one is immune.