I was listening to a podcast on the Japanese economy and the idea of “lack of desire,” as some put it. The conversation revolved around how many people in Japan aren’t as financially ambitious as they once were. Depending on who you ask, this is either a troubling economic trend or simply a cultural shift in priorities or maybe neither is that simple.
It made me stop and think: when we talk about “desire” or “want,” what do we actually mean? Are we talking about money, status, comfort, or something deeper? And can we even define “want” in a way that works for everyone?
The Slippery Nature of “Want”
The word want is deceptively simple, but once you start unpacking it, things get messy.
- Some wants are surface-level and easy to change.
- Some are tied closely to personality—like being adventurous, curious, or achievement-driven.
- Others aren’t really wants at all, but conscious or unconscious thoughts or beliefs that we can challenge and reshape.
In fact, many people don’t truly discover who they are until they begin questioning their own thinking. What we believe we “must have” often softens when we step back and reflect.
Even Hard-Wired Desires Have Wiggle Room
Take me, for example: I’m a “high achiever.” That part of my personality feels ingrained. But being a high achiever doesn’t lock me into one path. I still get to choose what achievement looks like.
- Do I build a stock portfolio?
- Do I run a bustling restaurant?
- Do I pour my energy into serving others?
All three satisfy my drive for achievement. None are right or wrong. They simply shape life in very different directions.
This is the nuance we often miss. Even so-called “hard-wired” desires aren’t as rigid as we think. Our wants, our identity, even our personality evolve gradually with each decision we make.
Three Valid Approaches
If we boil it down there are three different approaches to live well (and I get it, this is oversimplified and there maybe other approaches too!):
- Find happiness, calm, or fulfillment within my current circumstances
- Change my own immediate circumstances
- Focus on long term change, IE: Politics, Religion, Help others change their circumstances, etc. Knowing it may or may not change in my lifetime but it will change for future generations/afterlife, etc.
Each approach is valid. At different times in life, we may lean into one more than the others. And sometimes, they overlap.
The Role of Control
Here’s the encouraging—but challenging—truth: how you feel is, to a large extent, within your control. That doesn’t mean it’s FAIR, direct, immediate, or easy. But it is possible.
I’ve seen it firsthand in therapy/coaching with hundreds of clients and colleagues. I’ve also read hundreds of books written about people who found joy, peace, and/or fulfillment in the most dire circumstances. Conversely, I’ve seen people with every possible privilege struggle deeply with depression, anxiety, and emptiness.
It’s tempting to believe money or status protects us from struggle, but it doesn’t. The 1% wrestle with mental health just as much—and sometimes more—than the rest of us. Being human is the great equalizer.
So Where Does That Leave Us?
The takeaway is this: we’re all different, and that’s not a bad thing. Our wants and desires don’t fit into neat boxes. They shift over time. They’re layered with personality, culture, and choice.
Still, most of us can loosely fit into one, two, or even all three emotional motivation categories:
- Peace/calm – the desire for inner stillness and stability.
- Happiness/excitement – the pull toward joy, curiosity, or having fun.
- Purpose/fulfillment/value – the drive to make a difference, feel useful, and live meaningfully.
None of these are better than the others. They’re simply different expressions of being human. And maybe, instead of obsessing over “balance” or one single definition of success, we can embrace the richness of our changing wants—and the freedom to choose what they mean in our lives.
Final Thought: You don’t need to chase a perfect formula. Your wants will evolve, your desires will surprise you, and that’s part of being human. The real question is: which path toward peace, happiness, or purpose will you choose today?
P.S. For those of faith. I believe God created us with unique personalities and desires for a reason. Some reflect His peace, others His joy, and still others His purpose. Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” When we lean into that truth, our changing wants aren’t something to fear but an opportunity to grow closer to the One who gave them to us.
True purpose is found when we focus on our spiritual walk, remembering that we are called to something greater than this world. As Paul reminds us, “Our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20). The achievements and pleasures of today fade, but “an incorruptible crown” awaits those who remain faithful (1 Corinthians 9:25). There is a higher calling and a greater reward in the new earth (Revelation 21:1–4), where every longing will finally be fulfilled in God’s presence forever.
